The musings of two dudes who have absorbed too much pop culture for their own good and just don't care anymore. Decency? Not here. Respect? Out the window. Finding out what happens when cereal mascots turn to mass murder? Oh, yes — Time To Tell Tales of The Unaccountable.
Showing posts with label riff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label riff. Show all posts

Pulp Commentary - WISHMASTER 2: EVIL NEVER DIES

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we STILL haven't learned to be careful what we wish for, and for our infernal transgressions, we're thrown into the slammer! Wait, who's our cellmate? THE DJINN!? Wow, this is awkward. Guess they finally got your ass for tax evasion. But, hey, as long as we have this ancient demonic genie here, we might as well watch his simultaneously delightful yet disappointing sequel, WISHMASTER 2: EVIL NEVER DIES! Come for all the B-Horror splendor, but stay to watch a movie monster briefly run a Russian crime syndicate.

Avoid any and all ironic wish granting by downloading the commentary now!



Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

Pulp Commentary - Friday The 13th: The Series 1x2 'The Poison Pen'

In this special edition of Pulp Commentary, the pen truly is mightier than the sword! Mostly due to a Satan infestation. Once again, on this holiday of torment and MURDER, we take in the questionable franchising of an already existing franchise, by visiting everyone's favorite antique shop that has no right being in business. The tradition bleeds on, as we watch episode two of FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES (AKA Friday's Curse)!

Watch out for sneaky monks by downloading the commentary here!



Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

Pulp Commentary - WISHMASTER

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we learn to be careful what we wish for. What did we wish for, you may ask? Pizza. Mostly pizza. But the demonic Djinn did us dirty by instead turning US into pizza, aaaaaaaaah. So, we ate ourselves to DEATH. And that was a long winded way to a Spaceballs reference in this description for a WISHMASTER commentary. You're welcome. But anyway, rub that lamp and get ready for a who's who of horror actor cameos, because we're taking in this lost 90s gem!

Wish to download the commentary? Click here!



Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

Pulp Commentary - Friday The 13th: The Series 1x1 'The Inheritance'

In this special edition of Pulp Commentary, our usual machete laden tradition is eschewed temporarily into an excursion into some franchise expansion! Gone are horny teens, buckets of blood, and an undead momma's boy wearing a hockey mask. Instead, we got ourselves... an antique shop! Oh, yes, may GOD have mercy on all your souls, as we check out the haunted items found in the first episode of the 80s In Name Only cash-in (underrated as it may be), FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES!

Inherit your own demonic antique shop by downloading the commentary here!



Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

Pulp Commentary - Halloween: Resurrection

In this special-ish edition of Pulp Commentary, it's been seven installments since the night HE came home... and the eighth is easily the one night HE would rather forget, along with the rest of us. While everyone's entitled to one good scare, the particular horror of sitting through this movie takes things a step too far with Mike, MB, and Hero as they fire up their 2002-era webcams to watch, witness, and text the slow message of death at a beloved horror icon in the saddest possible end of a long-running series. Yell trick or treat at some mothers, because we're subjecting ourselves to HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION.

Avoid the swift roundhouse kick of a 90's rapper by downloading the commentary here!


Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

Pulp Commentary - SPAWN

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we're not the vindicators, or the victimizers, or the vaporizers, or the vibrators, we're the... COMMENTATORS! So, slip on your slinky suits of necro-goo, Pulpers, and wrap that not at all real cape around you, because Martin Sheen sent us to HELL, and we're here to return the favor by watching what I dub thee a seminal work of 90s superhero action romp sleaze -- SPAWN! S to the P to the A to the AWN, S to the P to the A to the AWN. Go, Spawnie!

See us at Wanda's by downloading the commentary here!


Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

Pulp Commentary - JASON X

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys unfreeze themselves in the far flung spaced out future of 2002 -- which looks suspiciously like the late 90s aesthetically, but neither here nor there. In this STRANGE future time, we know not what terrifying cheapness awaits us around the same corner being re-used over and over! But the most alarming aspect of this time-space, is that all the calendars are stuck on one single solitary date... FRIDAY THE 13TH. And that means only one thing: even in the future we can't escape podcasting obligations! Without any 80s sexyness to save us, surrounded by annoying early 2000s character types featuring the cast of Andromeda, AND the faint pounding vocals of "Let The Bodies Hit The Floor" inching ever closer... we have no choice but to let the NANO MACHINES turn us Uber! So, we can record this UBERCOMMENTARY for JASON X. It's okay, guys, he just wants his machete back.

Re-enter the atmosphere and die HISTORIC like Jason, by downloading the commentary here.



Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

Pulp Commentary - A Christmas Story

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, it 'twas the night before Pulpmas, and all Mike could think was how David Cronenberg's The Fly nearly drove him to drink! It's that special time of year again, as the boys audibly roast chestnuts on an open fire and talk about the true spirit of the season: discussing both the heartwarming and horrific Christmas gifts of the past while watching the 1983 classic A CHRISTMAS STORY. Does a legless Beast still have genitalia? How did Spider-Man save one future host's Christmas while damning another? When does one idle joke manage to create the single greatest alternate universe of all time? And will Mike, MB, or James ever actually talk about the movie they're watching? Santa knows, but he's not telling. Not while it's still Nuclear Winter.

Shoot your eye out as much as you'd like by downloading the commentary here!



Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

Pulp Commentary - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

In this special edition of Pulp Commentary, it's been 20 years since the night HE came home (and I'm pretty sure since our first commentary). But the twilight of Samhain is once again falling, and a new player has entered the game that conjures the EVIL back from it's slumber: Josh Hartnett. We're disappointed that Michael didn't just want LL Cool J's autograph, as well. Our Shatner faces slide back on (this time CGI!), and our kitchen knives sit at the ready, because it's mano-a-mano versus a ticked off Jamie Lee Curtis, as we continue the tradition with HALLOWEEN H20: 20 YEARS LATER.

Secretly get retconned out of having your head chopped off by downloading the commentary here!



Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

Pulp Commentary - Stephen King's IT

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we are IN the Deadlights now! 30 years later, the boys of Pulp Nightmare are returning to their childhood town to finish what they started when they were but children of the 90s! Carrying a bucket of battery acid and a belief in the tooth fairy (and some trusty anti-clown gear they had laying around), they head into the caverns of Maine with only one purpose... record the longest commentary of their lives. Oh, and you're coming with us! So, arm yourselves with imagination slingshots, avoid Belch wielding greasers, and yell "HI-HO SILVER, AWAY!" Because we are ALL floating tonight, baby! We're FINALLY watching the TV movie event of the 90s... STEPHEN KING'S... IT. It's like it was always meant to be a Pulp Commentary.

You'll be wise, very wise indeed, by downloading IT right here!



Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

Pulp Commentary - Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys celebrate the entirely too talked about death of Jason Voorhees by taking a nice trip down to ole' Camp Crystal Lake for some nice wholesome skinny-dipping fun. But just when they thought it was safe to go back in the pussy... they hear the sound they've been dreading all this time. The oncoming footsteps of a black man! Wait, that came out wrong. It's a body-hopping adventure of underwhelming proportions, as this Friday the 13th, the camp-crazy cast of Pulp Nightmare are made to sit down and bear witness to the most trying installment of the series yet - JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY. You know why this commentary's gonna stick with you? Because you're getting a taste of the Duke!

And how about a taste of Jason's delicious heart too? Then download the commentary here to chow down!



Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

Pulp Commentary - STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI (original theatrical)

A Long Time Ago On a Podcast Far, Far, Away...

Everything has transpired as they have foreseen it. Having harnessed their podcasting skills through the power of the Force, Mike, MB, and Hero have become Jedi Knights like their fathers before them, launching Pulp Commentary on one final adventure; at first bringing them face-to-face with the most villainous slug in the galaxy, bearing witness to the sheer humanity of one Rancor trainer, and pulling off the most ludicrous stunts since Boba Fett's dive into the Sarlaac Pit. 

But now, they face the full power of a fully armed and fully operational battle station! So many questions remain unanswered as they journey into the final piece of the original trilogy, STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI! 

Will Mike ever admit his true feelings to that sister he doesn't have? Will MB finally be able to come to terms with being more machine than man now? And will Hero be able to narrowly escape certain death when he's told, in no uncertain terms that... IT'S A TRAP?! Find out, but prepare for Ewoks! For the love of God, prepare for Ewoks!

Use the Force to download the commentary, right here.

Pulp Commentary - STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (original theatrical)

A Long Time Ago On a Podcast Far, Far, Away...

It is a dark time for Pulp Commentary. Like something out of a dream, the Pulp Podcasters make their return to that galaxy torn asunder by civil war and Interplanetary Nazis! While huffing the warm organ steam of a dead cosmic camel, they trip out and start taking orders from a weird apparition, setting them on course for The Dagobah System!

Join the Rebel allies Mike, MB, and Hero once again as they begin their adventure mauled by an abominable snowman, trudge through swamp planets in a vain attempt to lift spaceships with their mind, barely escape from a cave that is definitely no cave, and find themselves entertained by the company of... Space Billy Dee Williams? This deal is getting worse all the time!

The force is with young Pulp Commentary, but they are not Jedi yet... not until they sit down to watch part 2 of the epic trilogy, STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. They're not afraid, but they will be. They... will be...

Use the Force to download the commentary, right here.

Pulp Commentary - STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE (original theatrical)

A Long Time Ago On a Podcast Far, Far, Away...

Three humanoids (Mike, MB, and Hero) are under fire aboard a Rebel ship carrying the long-lost data plans for the theatrical cuts of the original STAR WARS trilogy. 

Narrowly escaping the clutches of a dark lord who found their lack of faith disturbing, the ragtag group find themselves up to their necks in sand people before running afoul of a crazy old wizard who teaches them the ways of The Force. Ending up on a ship piloted by a scruffy-looking nerf herder and his walking carpet of a co-pilot, our heroes discover that is, in fact, no moon. 

The circle is now complete as Pulp Commentary ventures into a special event, inexplicably left in charge of a fleet of X-Wings while watching the first part of the epic trilogy, STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE. They've just taken their first step into a much larger world...

Use the Force to download the commentary, right here.

Pulp Commentary - Friday The 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys climb aboard a cruise ship, their destination: The Big Apple. But something is amiss... something is wrong. To the left of them... 80s stereotypes. To the right... more 80s stereotypes. With a drop in their gut, they rush to a nearby calendar. Yes, it's what they feared. Once again, the evilest of dates have come around. As the ship sets sail before they have a chance to get away, they can only grab some hockey masks of their own and join in on the fun. Say Bon Voyage, folks, because we're sailing to HELL, AKA New York, New York, and the in-cruise movie you're joining us to watch is: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN. Least he'll fit in.

If you want to try your damnedest by boxing ole' Jason Voorhees, download the commentary right here.

Pulp Commentary - Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

In this special edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys don their cult robes, and grab a butcher's knife, because it's that time of the year again, and they're about to take their most incomprehensible trip to Haddonfield yet! Black magic! Genetic engineering! Paul Rudd! Not the first time these three ingredients have been put together, and this won't be the last! Well, actually, it kind of will be, but in more of a semantical kind of way. Put your Shatner faces on, folks, and ring our door bell, we're inviting you in this Hallow's Eve as we continue our deadly tradition. We're watching: HALLOWEEN 6: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS. Save us, Ant-Man!

Quick! Don't join The Cult of Thorn by downloading the commentary here!

Pulp Commentary - MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, WE HAVE THE POWERRRR... but not a lot of money. So, half of this commentary takes place on earth, inexplicably. But, utilizing our Casio keyboard to assist Dolph Lundgren as He-Man in battling Frank Langella as Skeletor (a credit that never ceases to be fun to say) we still manage to save the cosmos from evil! So, to Eternia, dear listeners! For we're watching Cannon Films' MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!

Claim the power of Greyskull for your own private use by downloading this commentary here.

Pulp Commentary - Silent Night, Deadly Night

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, it's X-Mas in July! And the boys... you know what, no. We're not even going to do it this time. This movie has taken things too far. Santa Claus has claimed too many lives for these injustices to go on! Kids, don't enable this... this red suited MONSTER to keep annually invading your lives with promises of toys! It's not worth it! Why, you ask? Well, he's a killer! And by that we mean a killer of cinema! Witness, for the first time, a movie so bad that it breaks the mold. The movie that nearly KILLED Pulp Commentary. We're of course talking about the Holiday slasher that somehow spawned five sequels and a remake: Silent Night, Deadly Night. Please, punish it. PUNISH!

To hear a fist hand unfiltered account of what a mixture of bad cinema and jingle bell rockin' terror does to one's mind, download this here and now! But don't say we didn't warn you. Ho. Ho. HO.

Pulp Commentary - The King of Kong: A Fistful Of Quarters

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we enter a seedy underground world, where the competition is fierce, and those who lose have their lives ripped away from them, drifting into shameful obscurity like embers flaking in wind. A coin slides into a slot, a machine flickers to life, 8-bit sounds jingle in a cacophony of whimsy. An ape stands tall at the top of the screen. But the real enemy for Mr. Steve Wiebe is not the ape. But an evil far more devious, far more cunning. One who will stop at nothing to knock the poor teacher down from the mountain he has spent his life climbing. The bearded menace wrapped in the red, white, and blue; the self proclaimed barbeque GOD, the fuhrer of high scores... Billy Mitchell. He. Must. Be. Stopped. Is The Wiebe the man for the job? Who will be The King of Kong!?

Insert 25 cents here to play and find out.