Pulp Commentary - WISHMASTER

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we learn to be careful what we wish for. What did we wish for, you may ask? Pizza. Mostly pizza. But the demonic Djinn did us dirty by instead turning US into pizza, aaaaaaaaah. So, we ate ourselves to DEATH. And that was a long winded way to a Spaceballs reference in this description for a WISHMASTER commentary. You're welcome. But anyway, rub that lamp and get ready for a who's who of horror actor cameos, because we're taking in this lost 90s gem!

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Pulp Commentary - SPAWN

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we're not the vindicators, or the victimizers, or the vaporizers, or the vibrators, we're the... COMMENTATORS! So, slip on your slinky suits of necro-goo, Pulpers, and wrap that not at all real cape around you, because Martin Sheen sent us to HELL, and we're here to return the favor by watching what I dub thee a seminal work of 90s superhero action romp sleaze -- SPAWN! S to the P to the A to the AWN, S to the P to the A to the AWN. Go, Spawnie!

See us at Wanda's by downloading the commentary here!


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Pulp Commentary - DREAMCATCHER

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys decide that they've had enough of civilization for one weekend and go off to the woods in celebration of the life of a dear friend who's no longer with us - that friend being Stephen King's sanity. But once they settle in, they discover that something's quite amiss; Worm eggs sit precariously across the ground, ready to be hatched, horrible, unconvincing CGI wildlife roams the countryside, the corpse of Lawrence Kasdan's dignity is slumped over a toilet, and... is something moving under there?! Oh yes. We're going there. Going to a world in which The Punisher, Agent 47, Brodie Bruce, Morgan Freeman's eyebrows, and that guy who really should be a bigger deal than he is, are terrorized by the unseen - the staggeringly incomprehensible. A world as viewed by a man on a hell of a lot of painkillers. We've got some work to do now, because this is the 2003 box office bomb known as DREAMCATCHER. We Duddits.

Answer that ringing gun and save the world from Ellen Ripley by downloading the commentary now!



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Pulp Commentary - STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI (original theatrical)

A Long Time Ago On a Podcast Far, Far, Away...

Everything has transpired as they have foreseen it. Having harnessed their podcasting skills through the power of the Force, Mike, MB, and Hero have become Jedi Knights like their fathers before them, launching Pulp Commentary on one final adventure; at first bringing them face-to-face with the most villainous slug in the galaxy, bearing witness to the sheer humanity of one Rancor trainer, and pulling off the most ludicrous stunts since Boba Fett's dive into the Sarlaac Pit. 

But now, they face the full power of a fully armed and fully operational battle station! So many questions remain unanswered as they journey into the final piece of the original trilogy, STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI! 

Will Mike ever admit his true feelings to that sister he doesn't have? Will MB finally be able to come to terms with being more machine than man now? And will Hero be able to narrowly escape certain death when he's told, in no uncertain terms that... IT'S A TRAP?! Find out, but prepare for Ewoks! For the love of God, prepare for Ewoks!

Use the Force to download the commentary, right here.

Pulp Commentary - STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (original theatrical)

A Long Time Ago On a Podcast Far, Far, Away...

It is a dark time for Pulp Commentary. Like something out of a dream, the Pulp Podcasters make their return to that galaxy torn asunder by civil war and Interplanetary Nazis! While huffing the warm organ steam of a dead cosmic camel, they trip out and start taking orders from a weird apparition, setting them on course for The Dagobah System!

Join the Rebel allies Mike, MB, and Hero once again as they begin their adventure mauled by an abominable snowman, trudge through swamp planets in a vain attempt to lift spaceships with their mind, barely escape from a cave that is definitely no cave, and find themselves entertained by the company of... Space Billy Dee Williams? This deal is getting worse all the time!

The force is with young Pulp Commentary, but they are not Jedi yet... not until they sit down to watch part 2 of the epic trilogy, STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. They're not afraid, but they will be. They... will be...

Use the Force to download the commentary, right here.

Pulp Commentary - STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE (original theatrical)

A Long Time Ago On a Podcast Far, Far, Away...

Three humanoids (Mike, MB, and Hero) are under fire aboard a Rebel ship carrying the long-lost data plans for the theatrical cuts of the original STAR WARS trilogy. 

Narrowly escaping the clutches of a dark lord who found their lack of faith disturbing, the ragtag group find themselves up to their necks in sand people before running afoul of a crazy old wizard who teaches them the ways of The Force. Ending up on a ship piloted by a scruffy-looking nerf herder and his walking carpet of a co-pilot, our heroes discover that is, in fact, no moon. 

The circle is now complete as Pulp Commentary ventures into a special event, inexplicably left in charge of a fleet of X-Wings while watching the first part of the epic trilogy, STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE. They've just taken their first step into a much larger world...

Use the Force to download the commentary, right here.

Pulp Commentary - Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

In this special edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys don their cult robes, and grab a butcher's knife, because it's that time of the year again, and they're about to take their most incomprehensible trip to Haddonfield yet! Black magic! Genetic engineering! Paul Rudd! Not the first time these three ingredients have been put together, and this won't be the last! Well, actually, it kind of will be, but in more of a semantical kind of way. Put your Shatner faces on, folks, and ring our door bell, we're inviting you in this Hallow's Eve as we continue our deadly tradition. We're watching: HALLOWEEN 6: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS. Save us, Ant-Man!

Quick! Don't join The Cult of Thorn by downloading the commentary here!

Pulp Commentary - MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, WE HAVE THE POWERRRR... but not a lot of money. So, half of this commentary takes place on earth, inexplicably. But, utilizing our Casio keyboard to assist Dolph Lundgren as He-Man in battling Frank Langella as Skeletor (a credit that never ceases to be fun to say) we still manage to save the cosmos from evil! So, to Eternia, dear listeners! For we're watching Cannon Films' MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!

Claim the power of Greyskull for your own private use by downloading this commentary here.

Pulp Commentary - Friday The 13th Part 7: The New Blood

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, you gotta look out for flying TVs just as much as slashing machete's, because not only is everyone's favorite hockey mask wearing killer back from the grave(again) but HE HAS MET HIS MATCH. Well, sorta. He does get a couch thrown at him. It's Supernatural Entity of Pure Anti-Sex Evil vs Teenage Girl Who Can Hurl Random Crap Around With Her Mind! The Rumble At Crystal Lake! The Showdown! The Battle of... Something-Something! So, come on and do the Jason Walk with us, because we're back at camp for FRIDAY THE 13TH PART SEVEN: THE NEW BLOOD.

Pulp Commentary - Friday The 13th Part 6: Jason Lives

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, just when we thought it was safe to crank-up 80s rock and skinny dip... the series gets a defibrillator shock from HELL. One convenient lightning strike reminds us that nothing this evil (or marketable) ever dies -- and this time, Mrs. Voorhees' baby boy is DONE screwing around. Will a sexy hero be able to triumph over the now zombified killing machine? Will Tommy Jarvis finally quell his nightmares? Will this be the only legitimately well made film in the entire franchise? Join us, and (maybe) find out... because he's back, The Man Behind the Mask, IN... FRIDAY THE 13TH PART SIX: JASON LIVES. I'll get the body bags.

Pulp Commentary - DIE HARD

In this special x-mas edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys now have a machine gun, ho ho ho. So, start knowing what a TV dinner feels like, bubby! We're your commentating white knights! Not even shards of glass in our feet can stop us from soldiering on through Nakatomi Plaza, and all forty stories of adventure it holds; because despite losing 25% of the hostages in the process, we're watching DIE HARD. We read about it in Time magazine.

Pulp Commentary - Total Recall

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys make the most important decision of their collective lives -- they get their asses to MARS. So, hop into a Johnny Cab and unleash the Kuato within you, because we're not only giving them air, but we're watching Paul Verhoeven's sci-fi classic... TOTAL RECALL. We can commentate it for you wholesale.

Pulp Commentary - Friday The 13th Part 5: A New Beginning

In this special accursed edition of Pulp Commentary, the unkillable may have been killed, but the dreams of Voorhees still haunt us! On the most fake of evil days, this devilish Friday the 14th, we journey back into a randomly confined house in the woods to face our greatest fear -- Stand In Slasher-Man Killer Guy! For this time, there is no Jason for us to fall back on. No Camp Crystal Lake. No machete. Not even a single god damn red stripe! We're in a nightmare of unfathomably 80's proportions! And now, only Juwanna Man can save us... because we're watching FRIDAY THE 13TH PART V: A NEW BEGINNING.

Pulp Commentary - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

In this special edition of Pulp Commentary, the EVIL finally comes out of it's year long coma. But enough about Dr. Loomis, we're here for Michael Myers! The Rise of The Thorn begins here tonight, on this day of Samhain, because we continue our killer tradition with: HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS.

Pulp Commentary - Night of The Creeps

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, your podcasters are here; the bad news is -- THEY'RE DEAD. So, you better welcome your new space slug overlords, spanky, and pop an 80's brewski while you're at it. Because we're watching: NIGHT OF THE CREEPS!

Pulp Commentary - THE ROCKETEER

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys ask you... WHERE... IS... THE ROCKET!? No idea? Well, can you at least reveal to us the identity of The Laughing Bandit? WHAT!? Good heavens, it's Sir Reginald!? But enough about us learning various secrets, because tonight we're strapping a jetpack on, wearing the most art-deco helmet in history, and battling evil nazi Timothy Dalton atop a blimp! Let it be printed in all the old timey spinning newspapers that we're watching THE ROCKETEER! And tell 'em Howard Hughes said so.

Pulp Commentary - Friday The 13th Part 4: The Final Chapter

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we once again find ourselves on a doomed 80's camping trip. But is it... for the final time? Due to movie executive greed, NO, it is not. We'll pretend though, 'kay? So, shed a tear, light your vigils, and be TERRIFIED of Little Corey Feldman; for Jason's time is at an end(until we need money). Tonight we watch: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART FOUR: THE FINAL CHAPTER. Featuring Crispin 'McFly' Glover!

Pulp Commentary - Vampire's Kiss

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys - meaning MB and Hero, triumphantly returning for their second Mike-less commentary - discover love in the big city and allow their loneliness to drive them INSANE, resulting in eaten cockroaches, the wooden stakes of the homeless, precarious plastic teeth, and one jerk of a noctural flying mammal who just won't go away. A! B! C! D! E! F! G! H! I! J! K! L! M! N! O! PULP COMMENTARY FOR VAMPIRE'S KISS! This commentary is a vampire.

Pulp Commentary - FACE/OFF

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, Special Agent MB Archer swears vengeance against the terrorist Castor Mike for shooting his beloved Batman doll six years ago. But when Castor Mike threatens to blow up all of Pulpopolis, MB Archer must do the unthinkable and trade faces with his long-hated enemy in order for the two of them to, A: Have a speed boat chase, and B: sit down and watch John Woo's 1997 action classic, FACE/OFF. This one's for you, Pinkus.

Pulp Commentary - American Psycho

In this Xmas edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys have no more barriers to cross. All they have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the commentaries they have recorded and their utter indifference toward them... they have now surpassed. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis. No deeper knowledge can be extracted from our jokes. This commentary for AMERICAN PSYCHO has meant nothing. But join us for it anyway, you stupid yuppie bastards!