Pulp Nightmare Podcast | Tales Of The Unaccountable | Comedy | Movie Commentaries

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Pulp Commentary - WISHMASTER 2: EVIL NEVER DIES

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we STILL haven't learned to be careful what we wish for, and for our infernal transgressions, we're thrown into the slammer! Wait, who's our cellmate? THE DJINN!? Wow, this is awkward. Guess they finally got your ass for tax evasion. But, hey, as long as we have this ancient demonic genie here, we might as well watch his simultaneously delightful yet disappointing sequel, WISHMASTER 2: EVIL NEVER DIES! Come for all the B-Horror splendor, but stay to watch a movie monster briefly run a Russian crime syndicate.

Avoid any and all ironic wish granting by downloading the commentary now!

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Pulp Commentary - SPAWN

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we're not the vindicators, or the victimizers, or the vaporizers, or the vibrators, we're the... COMMENTATORS! So, slip on your slinky suits of necro-goo, Pulpers, and wrap that not at all real cape around you, because Martin Sheen sent us to HELL, and we're here to return the favor by watching what I dub thee a seminal work of 90s superhero action romp sleaze -- SPAWN! S to the P to the A to the AWN, S to the P to the A to the AWN. Go, Spawnie!

See us at Wanda's by downloading the commentary here!

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Pulp Commentary - JASON X

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys unfreeze themselves in the far flung spaced out future of 2002 -- which looks suspiciously like the late 90s aesthetically, but neither here nor there. In this STRANGE future time, we know not what terrifying cheapness awaits us around the same corner being re-used over and over! But the most alarming aspect of this time-space, is that all the calendars are stuck on one single solitary date... FRIDAY THE 13TH. And that means only one thing: even in the future we can't escape podcasting obligations! Without any 80s sexyness to save us, surrounded by annoying early 2000s character types featuring the cast of Andromeda, AND the faint pounding vocals of "Let The Bodies Hit The Floor" inching ever closer... we have no choice but to let the NANO MACHINES turn us Uber! So, we can record this UBERCOMMENTARY for JASON X. It's okay, guys, he just wants his machete back.

Re-enter the atmosphere and die HISTORIC like Jason, by downloading the commentary here.

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iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
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PULPWATCH 1994: American Crime Story: The People V. O.J. Simpson Ep10

"Get in the car... or I'll tell 'em you're Jewish." - Nathan Lane to John Travolta

The Juice is finally loose! But can that really be considered a spoiler? Regardless, it's curtain call for PULPWATCH 1994, as the boys of Pulp Nightmare bid goodbye to a television show that they're somewhat confused even existed - American Crime Story: The People V OJ Simpson. But is there a twist ending where history radically diverges, aliens descend from the skies and attack, and the only man who can lead humanity towards the fleeting hope of survival is A.C.? God, we wish. Instead, we're treated to a series of plot-lines wrapped up in the most puzzling of ways, the arrival of a surprise dog that appears for... reasons, and multiple - really, too many - proposed murders for Judge Lance Ito. But there are so many questions left! Whatever became of that Nazi medal? Was it sold on the black market? And what about that romance left danging between Marcia Clark and the black man she continually mistreated? And finally, is Robert Shapiro truly the Devil incarnate? Is he the sinister mastermind who killed Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, framing O.J. Simpson for a crime he did not in fact commit? Well, listen in, and maybe you'll be surprised. We sure weren't.

Feel the sweet taste of freedom right along with OJ by downloading the episode here!

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PULPWATCH 1994: American Crime Story: The People V. O.J. Simpson Ep9

"PRESSURE?!" - Robert Shapiro

The trial of the century mercifully, thankfully starts winding down as the boys of Pulp Nightmare are brought to their absolute limit of endurance in the penultimate installment of PULPWATCH 1994. Your honor, we'd like the Nazi to take the stand. What's that? He said something about Judge Ito's wife? Stop the damn trial! Oh wait, he's stepping down? Trial is back on! Wait, he's inexplicably back? We don't know anymore. But the important question remains: Will Travolta be able to keep his unrelenting fury over the possibility of riots in the streets in check? And why does Cochran seem to want to incite one? Wait, why was THAT the ending?! You know what, AMERICAN CRIME STORY: THE PEOPLE V OJ SIMPSON, we don't know anymore. We just don't.

The Juice is loose! Download the episode here to escape!

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Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
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Pulp Commentary - DREAMCATCHER

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys decide that they've had enough of civilization for one weekend and go off to the woods in celebration of the life of a dear friend who's no longer with us - that friend being Stephen King's sanity. But once they settle in, they discover that something's quite amiss; Worm eggs sit precariously across the ground, ready to be hatched, horrible, unconvincing CGI wildlife roams the countryside, the corpse of Lawrence Kasdan's dignity is slumped over a toilet, and... is something moving under there?! Oh yes. We're going there. Going to a world in which The Punisher, Agent 47, Brodie Bruce, Morgan Freeman's eyebrows, and that guy who really should be a bigger deal than he is, are terrorized by the unseen - the staggeringly incomprehensible. A world as viewed by a man on a hell of a lot of painkillers. We've got some work to do now, because this is the 2003 box office bomb known as DREAMCATCHER. We Duddits.

Answer that ringing gun and save the world from Ellen Ripley by downloading the commentary now!

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Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
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PULPWATCH 1994: American Crime Story: The People V. O.J. Simpson Ep7

"Why you be half-steppin'?"

Objection! Your honor, we'd like to call American Crime Story: The People v OJ Simpson to the stand. That's right, it's another edition of PULPWATCH 1994, and the boys of Pulp Nightmare discover that this episode may be the most factually inaccurate to date! From Marcia Clark's lust for a sexy black co-worker to the subsequent trial endangerment of the prosecution, to Robert Shapiro's ultimate moment of super-villainy and David Schwimmer's post-career breakdown that even the show doesn't show, it all culminates in the shocking - not to mention ridiculous - recreation of the fateful moment of the entire trial: that god damned glove. Will it fit? Must we acquit? Of course not, but the revisionist history going on makes us sad. Come on, Judge Ito, you can still make things right! You can still make it more of a circus!

The Juice is loose! Download the episode here to escape!

Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PulpNightmare/
Itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pulp-nightmare/id426879674
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=33510&refid=stpr

PULPWATCH 1994: American Crime Story: The People V. O.J. Simpson Ep5

"JUDAS!" - Robert Shapiro

We're not trying to be respectful about this podcast, we're trying to win! It's that time again, as an acclaimed director steps into the seat of FX's AMERICAN CRIME STORY: THE PEOPLE V OJ SIMPSON. Listen in as the boys of Pulp Nightmare discover what happens as betrayal rocks the trial of the century from both sides and tensions flare up, sparking a surprise exit on behalf of historical inaccuracy, Johnnie Cochran's super villain plot to end all super villain plots, the most one-sided feud over whether or not a man can be able to sit on a bench, and the single most shocking - and hilarious - ending in television history. PULPWATCH 1994 continues on, but will the collective sanity of Mike, MB, and Hero remain intact? Only [Armless Tiger Man] knows!

The Juice is loose! Download the episode here to escape!

PULPWATCH 1994: American Crime Story: The People V. O.J. Simpson Ep3

"He'll never stop being The Juice!"

Uncle Juice is not black, he's OJ! And with one of their own enjoying a fresh glass of OJ, the boys of Pulp Nightmare continue their live trek through the long, drawn-out true life story fictionalized in continually tasteless fashion that is the FX's AMERICAN CRIME STORY: THE PEOPLE V. OJ SIMPSON. And Episode 3, The Dream Team, gives us answers to all important questions while simultaneously telling us nothing at all. Why does Marcia Clark seemingly never seem to stop smoking cigarettes? We don't know. When was Kato Kalein ever considered famous? Never explained. Who convinced Nathan Lane that joining this show was ever a good idea? We only have our assumptions. In perhaps the most boring showcase of this real life murder re-sensationalized for prime time cable, we do however learn the true origins of the Kardashian empire. And that has to count for something. Right? Give a listen as PULP WATCH 1994 continues.

The Juice is loose! Download the episode here to escape!

Pulp Commentary - Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

In this special edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys don their cult robes, and grab a butcher's knife, because it's that time of the year again, and they're about to take their most incomprehensible trip to Haddonfield yet! Black magic! Genetic engineering! Paul Rudd! Not the first time these three ingredients have been put together, and this won't be the last! Well, actually, it kind of will be, but in more of a semantical kind of way. Put your Shatner faces on, folks, and ring our door bell, we're inviting you in this Hallow's Eve as we continue our deadly tradition. We're watching: HALLOWEEN 6: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS. Save us, Ant-Man!

Quick! Don't join The Cult of Thorn by downloading the commentary here!

Pulp Commentary - MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, WE HAVE THE POWERRRR... but not a lot of money. So, half of this commentary takes place on earth, inexplicably. But, utilizing our Casio keyboard to assist Dolph Lundgren as He-Man in battling Frank Langella as Skeletor (a credit that never ceases to be fun to say) we still manage to save the cosmos from evil! So, to Eternia, dear listeners! For we're watching Cannon Films' MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!

Claim the power of Greyskull for your own private use by downloading this commentary here.

Pulp Commentary - Silent Night, Deadly Night

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, it's X-Mas in July! And the boys... you know what, no. We're not even going to do it this time. This movie has taken things too far. Santa Claus has claimed too many lives for these injustices to go on! Kids, don't enable this... this red suited MONSTER to keep annually invading your lives with promises of toys! It's not worth it! Why, you ask? Well, he's a killer! And by that we mean a killer of cinema! Witness, for the first time, a movie so bad that it breaks the mold. The movie that nearly KILLED Pulp Commentary. We're of course talking about the Holiday slasher that somehow spawned five sequels and a remake: Silent Night, Deadly Night. Please, punish it. PUNISH!

To hear a fist hand unfiltered account of what a mixture of bad cinema and jingle bell rockin' terror does to one's mind, download this here and now! But don't say we didn't warn you. Ho. Ho. HO.

Pulp Commentary - TEEN WITCH

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we take an uncomfortably close look at the depraved depths a pure evil soul reaches -- an evil the likes of which humanity has never seen before, and GOD WILLING WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN. Not outside of the 80s, at least. Her domain. Her CELESTIAL TIME PRISON. And if we have anything to say about it, it'll stay that way; Locked away where no man, woman, or child dare tread in this age! Our only regret, is for the rest of eternity she may continue to torment and haunt her victims, those innocent stereotypes of the 80s whose only crime was rolling their sleeves up too high. Yet, to each and everyone one of you, know your sacrifice is not in vain, for the lives of 90s and 2000s stereotypes have gone long untouched by her grisly wishes! But come with us, dear listener, as we gaze into our crystal ball at that unholy place called the 1980s, and see her tale unfurl like a snapping coil of hellfire. Tonight we are watching TEEN WITCH. Sometimes, winning is the greatest magic of all.

Download this Commentary here before Teen Witch wishes the truth away!

Pulp Commentary - God's Not Dead

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, our brains melt out our ears and we experience offensive B.S. the likes of which we've never seen before, as we enter a magical realm that exists only in the minds of these insane filmmakers. So, join us -- we guess -- because we're watching the bizarre propaganda film: GOD'S NOT DEAD. He totally is though, don't let the title fool you. Now, go and text everyone you know that 'Pulp's Not Dead!'

(Also, head on over to our sister show Below The Bible Belt and listen to their DUELING COMMENTARY for God's Not Dead. Yes, we're giving you permission to cheat on us, but only as sloppy seconds)